Our Bodies Betray Us

I’m drinking again

And all I can think of is her

          It’s cold outside

          And the warm melted cheese of my quesadilla

                   Embraces the foamy amber

I keep talking about the time I fell in love

And even though I know my friend is tired of me talking about her

          Fuck him

          I don’t care

 

I get poetical when I’m drunk,

          I dream of my waitress giving me blowjobs,

                   In that perfect way, she used to

The way she would roll her tongue and sometimes use the sharpness of her teeth…

Nothing like the threat of castration

To get harder

 

She pulled me closer, and I told her my chemicals were for her

Only her

And her skin was meant for me to puncture

And draw monuments to

The way I used the red pen

No one else will know how to

 

I remember the swelling of breasts

Swelling in my mouth

          My mother told me that she never breastfed me,

 

Maybe that’s why I’m so needy

So insecure

 

I excuse myself for a cigarette outside

I want to be alone

And if there’s a god he’s given me the gift of wanting-to-be-alone

And I exhale smoke in triangular propulsion

          Each howl of wind wakes me from sleepiness

          And my thoughts race

To the pinkness of her thighs

Softness of her hair

Even the slight coarseness of her armpits

 

I’m still thinking about her

The perfect form

 

And I’m thinking about her betrayal,

And I’m thinking about forgiving her,

 

Because

Eventually

Our Bodies betray us

But she will always be perfect in my mind.

 

© A.R. Minhas 2017

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