‘Maps of Eyes’ (c) A.R. Minhas 2019
Your naked body
I can see your frames
Calcium deposits in your ears.
“Our world collapses on ourselves.”
Did you dream of a tower?
Explosion of lint
Torrents of water chew the wood
I present the creeping mold
“And what about my plants that I had kept for Feng Shui?”
They have succumbed to smoke inhalation.
The old you is dead.
A fetus was found in the flood.
It comes to term
The world is anew
And the summer child can’t stop laughing.
(C) A.R. Minhas
She told me, and I didn’t believe her
“Use teeth next time”
Just to hurt more.
A heart doesn’t want to be sober
Like a trail of swollen lights
Masturbating to their own destruction.
You hear the ventilation buzzing
A stutter of cicadas
Stroking to their vibrations
And I cum a purple substance
Goddess Sativa floating in my throat.
The stickiness of thought,
And a centipede spirals into my ear.
“I have stories about the crawl space in your mind that you don’t want to talk about.”
And then I laugh.
I laugh because it doesn’t mean anything.
And I should’ve believed her.
I don’t want to be sober.
I only want to worship you.
(c) A.R. Minhas 2019
If you had loved me hard enough
“Don’t say those words like an afterthought.”
I burn that flower at night time
The urgency of this message
I’m in love with being myself
Apply lotion to a dry heart.
See it through.
Evidence of bubblegum
Say the word I’m there.
Wax spilt on black marble.
“You came with thundering applause.”
And I burst into you…
Wide Eyed, weird eyes
A gaggle of loud noises
Beautifying the porch
Cigarette bodies hidden
My nose throbs for your loins
Teeth willing to pierce through
And then flesh
Dripping from your lips.
I lay my head down
A disembodied voice
“Nostalgia keeps me alive.”
(c) A.R. Minhas 2019
Can you understand me?
‘Milk spilt in the hall.’
Dionysus cried himself to sleep.
Roses burning with a magnifying glass.
Come to the blue party.
Serotonin for you, and the light fades.
‘The head line dips to Luna.’
My delusions are mine to keep.
Share the kiss, never fall in Love.
Some people are blessed to be alone.
(c) A.R. Minhas 2019
This is an excerpt from the novel “Confessions of an Abortion Addict.” The novel is still in progress and this excerpt might not be sequential and will be subject to additional editing. Please provide feedback. Thank you!
The room was a vacuum of white static. A giant corridor in a hospital except without the smell of disinfectant; it smelt more like a perfume counter of a department store. This is the beginning of your new life. There are other would-be actresses that Virchow, has lured with a promise of fame and stardom. The other girls come in different sizes, but they have the same age: under 30-ish. Old man craves young flesh. Practicing lines, pouting lips in Vanity Mirrors, Refreshing make-up and they have brought with them the dreams that are about to be realized. I adjust my yellow dress that I’ve worn after my agent’s continuous pestering and pleas to look presentable.
I have my hair down, from what I can see in the mirror at the opposite end. It looks matte black. My skin also feels darker because I didn’t feel like going too heavy for the make-up. I’d really don’t like being here too, but my agent insists that ambition is the key. You have to make things happen.
“I love the yellow you’re wearing, it really compliments your skin tone,” the girl next to me says.
“Oh, Thanks!” I said, and it took a moment for me to realize that she was talking to me. No one had said a word to me this entire afternoon, except for maybe verifying that I was on the audition list. This girl was very peculiar; for one thing, everyone had come with portfolios, their bags and of course they were all dressed to reflect their own particular set of assets. While she was wearing a low-cut, plain white tee, black leather vest with spiked studs, a multitude of scarves and accessories, on a skinny frame with a heavy dose of mascara which made the blues on her eyes feel piercing. “I love your get up too,” I try to mirror the compliment but it might have felt a little insincere due to the long pause.
“Ha-ha, please, don’t lie. I know I’m underdressed, but my agent forced me to come here,” she gently strokes her serpentine red hair.
“That sounds awesome—you have anything else lined up?”
“A couple of things. Plus, I’ve not heard anything good about, Virchow. One of my friends was telling me that he makes the girls take off their top and chooses them based on the color of their areolas.”
“Really?” I replied. Don’t listen to the competition, June…she just wants to see you walk out that door. “Don’t get me wrong, he doesn’t have a very sparkling reputation, but that’s low— even for him…just out of curiosity what color does he prefer?”
“Apparently, he really likes nipples to complement the rest of the breast, so they become camouflaged.” She says in an indifferent tone. “I have darker nipples anyway, so I’m already out.”
“No offense but if that’s the case why don’t you just walk out right now?” I ask her with a bluntness that I didn’t even know I had in me. Yeah, tell the truth.
“Well, it’s a rumor, and in this day and age everyone makes up their own rumors. I just want to see who is bullshitting me, right?” She says that without blinking. “Oh, by the way, my name is Sally, Sally Chrysler. Not like the car, please don’t make that joke— I probably should change my last name— anyway, you can call me, Sly. You might remember me from such classics as Prairie Shark, Wendigo: the awakening and of course Who brought the lumberjack on my fishing boat, eh?”
“Ha-ha,” I couldn’t help but chuckle at her, it was a little difficult to keep pace with her thoughts. “Hi, Sally…urm…sorry, Sly. I’m June, June Husk. I’ve also only been in Canadian Movies, mostly. I did some stuff with Tcherkov, but as it was pointed out to me by my Agent, for me to ‘make it’ I have to go to Hollywood…well nice to meet you.” I palm her hand and she goes for the cheek-to-cheek, and we end up in between a low hug and front-on spooning.
“Nice to meet you too, June. I can’t say, I’ve seen you in anything…but you look familiar but here’s hoping this is your big break.”
“I hope so too,” I said with a heavy sigh. There is a long moment of silence between us, and the long gap is filled with Sly’s intermittent whistling.
“Hey, once you’re done do you wanna go out for a couple of drinks?” She says in her pattern of blurts.
“Umm…I have to be somewhere after, but we can go out sometime later this week.”
“Great, by the way, it wasn’t meant as a date or anything—hmm…I just like to you know network a little bit.”
“You really are awkward aren’t you?” I replied, smiling back at her.
“Yeah, you noticed?”
“Yes, I did,” we laughed, and for a moment we forgot that we were sitting in a hallway filled with anxious starlets.
“June! June Husk!” A voice bellowed.
“That’s you…go! go!”
“Thanks!” I leaped up, pirouetting across the rows of starry-eyed, doe-faced hopefuls. She gave me an air kiss and stuck her card inside my purse in a flash. I swore that I heard her say, all the best, as I rushed towards the assistant who called me.
“June Husk…nice name.” He said holding a clipboard close to his chest.
© A.R. Minhas 2017
“It’s ok if they don’t get your joke.”
“None of them do…”
“And humor is such a subjective thing.”
“You just have to try a little harder…”
“Maybe, a little more to the right.”
“If you stick the landing then they’ll respect you…”
“Oh! When are you getting published?”
“You just don’t drink that much.”
“Please, please another pint… that’s all I have left.”
“Is the weekend over yet because this egg won’t crack itself,”
“If there is a movie to masturbate too can we please watch something surreal?”
“If your breasts like mountains bow I would be able to see again!”
“I can paint the world with your freshly stippled legs.”
“That pure waterfall is my release, and the cliff is your face changing shape.”
“Our evergreens and my heart are rooted in you.”
“If there a distance between a star, let me immolate between your thighs.”
“I have lied to you inside a convenience store.” “And I know of the other entity that
resides below you.”
“If there is flesh, let me have a light…”
“And smoke is blessed and falls on all of us with carcinogenic precision.”
“It’s ok, loneliness comes in small bouts.”
“It will kill you in small amounts.”
“And maybe one day you won’t be so disappointed that you ended up this way.”
© A.R. Minhas 2017
I am Defamed
Today was another
It slowly burns away any sense of pride
That I felt
I’ve lost all my finger nails to that moment
Just when the alcohol rears its ugly head back up again
My stomach has grown accustomed to the torments I inflict upon it
And my throat feels the stippling burns of the gun or the cigarette
“Residue of blue nicotine”
Cause of death: Too much stress
Too little time
“Maybe, if he fell in love again? The colors do brighten, and the perfume does sharpen.”
It’s an afterthought
My love is an afterthought
My heart is an afterthought
My cum is an afterthought
It leaves shadowy figures behind
Pale imitations hardly worth flattery
And there it is
And there you go
Telling me to move forward
Become a better me
And I beg
Let me remain with expired thoughts. Let me be with my vices.
I want to kill my heart,
And I want to break my fast with wine.
© A.R. Minhas 2017